They are high octane from the moment their beautiful eyes open in the morning until they close for the night. They love passionately and do their best to test their boundaries. They play tea party while slaying the bad guys with their bow and arrows. They talk incessantly, screech the loudest, and want more than anything to grow up to be my mini-me's.
Here's a true story for ya:
Tuesday I had one of those self depricating afternoons were I felt like a failure of a mother and disciplinarian. After the second time Marie stormed into my bedroom while nursing the babe (who was up every 15 min the night before and had not napped yet, due to equal parts Wicked-Loud sisters and teething) I almost lost it.
Marie's first gust of wind into my Oasis was to inform me she placed her arrow on Elise's head, on purpose. (Bow and arrows, confiscated)
Her second gust tore through my door with such violence I thought the whole frame was going to unhinge from the walls. What was that urgent? She proceeded to tell me how she poked Elise in the forehead with the tip of a colored pencil.
Really? REALLY?
"Go to your room" I boomed!
As I slowly gave up on the fact the babe was not going to drift off to Never Land, I pondered what could be going on with her. Why was she suddenly a glutton for punishment? Why is she being so mean to her sister, teasing her and blatantly disobeying; then telling me her offense. Does she want to be punished? Does she need more attention? Am I being rude and snide to her? All these thoughts and more raced through my head. There has to be a root cause. I know she's only 4 1/2 but she is so much more mature than that. It's hard to think she doesn't really have a grasp of her actions.
Where am I failing her. She doesn't have too many outside influences (and those she does have are amazing) so, this has to be here, in the home.
The train of thought began to unfold to something bigger. WE, as women (generalizing) can be so nurturing and loving but have so much snark and attitude! It's like an innate ability. Born with it. Done. Learn to live with it. Or, overcome it.
While I wondered in great anger what to say that would help her realize her ruthlessness and flippant attitude was not acceptable, I became aware of the security she felt to be able to confide in me even though she knew she did something wrong. This trust I knew needed to be fostered; my over-reaction could weaken that bond of trust I worked from birth to form with her. I want to keep it intact for when she ventures out into the world beyond our front door. Mentally: "What do I say? Keep it simple and state the truth."
I calmly went to her room where she sat on her bed playing. I sat down next to her and with all the love and conviction I could manage in my voice, I tried my best to convey how proud I was she came to me when she did something wrong but her behavior was unacceptable. I expressed, as I always have, SHE is NOT bad, her actions and decisions are bad.
Later that evening, Robert and I had a chance to discuss the overly dramatic text he received that read a little something like "I wouldn't come home if I were you", sent during that time of chaos (the crying babe and screaming toddlers and sleep deprived wife). He reminded me that our girls aspire to be like me; Marie always says how she wants to grow up, go to school, get married, and become a mom.
Still feeling like a failure, I asked Robert if I am someone to be proud of? Am I selling my self short because I don't have a ton of accomplishments on my resume? Am I serving others in my vocation as I have been called to? I know it sounds self indulgent but when you are entrusted to raise the children The Lord has blessed you with to be His loving handmaidens; you wonder at times if you're good enough.
His response was money baby! They are words he has spoken in the past, but like a good homily, you thirst to be reminded.
Summary:
"You will be remembered in 100 years. Not because you have a list of self-fulfilling accomplishments that are probably just a disguise for a lack of purpose and happiness in your life but because there is NOTHING more difficult, more rewarding, and more accomplishing than raising our children. It will be YOU our great-grandchildren will talk about while making
Margaret's Rolls.
You have goals; To get to heaven. Help those around you get to heaven. Raise our children to be the next generation of loving, inspirational, hard working, self confident, God loving adults. You're doing a great job. Every time they show compassion, every time they genuflect, every time they make the sign of the cross, they pray, they sing and dance with joy, they learn something new...All those times are because of you. They want to be a mom because of your example"!
He's right. Mothers' (generalizing again) give selflessly to their family. And it is so important to impress upon our younglings the joys and humility that comes with our vocation. Our every action and word is hung out there in all its vulnerability and glory for them to see. The good examples we set for them will nurture their growth into confident women, ones we will be proud of. So, I will continue to torment myself with their every action and pray I do the right thing. I'll read books to help me navigate these unchartered territories, I'll listen intently to others experiences and advice. I'll rely heavily on God's graces to help me form His children into exemplary women who will know their roles and vocation will be every bit as rewarding, satisfying, and glorious as mine.
I am enough! You are enough! And.They.Are.So.Worth.It!
I keep thinking of the lyrics to John Mayers' Daughters:
"...Girls become lovers, who turn into Mothers, so Mothers be good to your daughters too"
Mother's in the making
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| Marie holding Robert IV |
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| Elise holding Robert IV |
There is nothing like witnessing your daughters love!
